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Economics & Finance - BLOG

How to unlock your genuine loving self

Steve Knight |

At the end of my first article, How to be a genuinely masterful communicator, I said next time it would be my honour to help you slow down and guide you on the journey inwards, to discover your true, authentic self. What better opportunity than Valentine’s Day to unlock your genuine, loving self.

When you release the person you are truly capable of being, you won’t have to look for that On switch as you begin a conversation or a presentation because you will be On all the time.

We communicate signals about ourselves every second, whether we realise it or not. We do this in three main ways: through our body language, the way we use our voice and thewords we choose to say. They are vital in every aspect of our lives, professional and personal, but how often do you stop to think about those three key areas and the signals you give out?

As an exercise, allow yourself some time to really look at the amazing photo of the couple above. Write down the messages, feelings and emotions you pick up on just from their body language and facial expressions. Also write down how they make you feel, especially on this special day :-)

So, are you ready to go that extra mile, starting on the day of love, Valentine’s Day? Are you ready to unlock who you are truly capable of being each and every day, everywhere you go? Are you ready to experience how much joy you give and attract when you are genuinely kind and considerate to others in your personal and professional life? Are you ready to experience how much people will go the extra mile to help you if you show genuine interest, love, care and consideration towards them? How about making this way of being your modus operandi?

If you really know who you are, the context of where you are and who you are talking to should not determine the outcome. Whether you are in conversation with Presidents or shopkeepers, Oscar winning actors or train conductors, millionaires or people who are struggling to make a living, the Chairman or those that keep the factory floor running, the same you should show up in all situations. You may adopt tactics, such as dress style, choice of words such as colloquialisms and phrases, relaxed or more formal, etc, but the real, genuine, authentic youshould shine through each and every time.

So, what did I mean above when I said the On switch? Well, for many of us, presenting at meetings and conferences and holding our own at networking events and social occasions and heck yeah even dating, is a real challenge. When we feel discomfort, fear sets in. When we feel fear, we also feel anxiety, stress, insecurity and an in-built desire either run away or to overly impress, to puff ourselves up like many animals do. If we feel threatened, insulted or cornered we can often snap or fight back. Wow, look at what’s on that menu today; not pleasant!… and as the short film in my first article asked, where does all that stress end up?

Allow me, if I may, to tantalise your taste buds with the alternative Valentine’s Day menu.

On the menu is…

Safety, security, self-confidence, prepared, calm, relaxed, self-aware, strength of character, knowledgeable, engaging, caring, thoughtful, respectful, loving, honourable, fair, a good listener, knowing your values, empathetic, compassionate and passionate.

This is a world that opens up to you when you put the effort into finding out who you really are on the inside. When you know who you are and what you stand for you can say to yourself, don’t present but be consciously aware of my presence. In this world you can be honest, transparent, genuine and authentic. To be anything less is an attempt to be something you are not. If you try to be something you are not, people smell it a mile off and their level of trust in you is put to the test.

So, as Valentine’s Day is a time to take time and be your loving and genuine best, let’s take a look at what happens depending on your body language, your use of voice and the wordsyou choose to use. This video clip of the UK’s Channel 4 programme, Science of Attraction, has had an amazing 1.4 million views on YouTube…


So, techniques and tactics can help you win in the short term but if you want to build a long-term, safe and trusting relationship in your personal life and trusting professional relationships in your business life, you’d better wear your heart on your sleeve and be your genuine, authentic, inner self. Find out who you truly are and have the confidence to be yourself, not just for Valentine’s Day, but for each and every day.

Make this Valentine’s Day your inspiration to take the leap of faith; to take action to start the journey of self-discovery and inner strength.

So what to do…

Start the powerful habit of building in 20 to 30 minutes each day to slow down, to stop and think. Take a paper and pen, choose a place that you love that is quiet and tranquil. Sit down or lie down and just connect with the peace, breathing slowly and calmly. When you feel relaxed and ready just start to ask yourself these questions…



Who am I?

What are my values?

What is my passion?

What is my purpose?

What do I stand for?

What do I believe?

What aspects of life are really important to me?… i.e. love, family, friends, sport, sprirituality, career, financial security, travel, inner peace, sex & sensuality, fun & laughter, health & wellbeing, good food, etc.

What will I not tolerate?

Why will I not tolerate it?

Who is the genuine me?

What is great about my life?

Why is it great?

What is not great about my life?

Why is it not great?

What do I need and require in my life to make it great?

What changes could I bring about to make a desired new chapter come to life?

What action steps do I need to take to bring about those changes?

When do I need to start taking those actions steps?

What is stopping me from taking action?

How can I allow myself to become who I am truly capable of being?

What do I need for a truly WOW life?

Plus any other questions that surface for you.

After each session write down your questions and answers so you can keep a clear journal of what is showing up for you. As you begin to discover more about yourself, you will be better placed to successfully lead your life and your business or organisation. When you lead and communicate with genuine authenticity people feel comfortable and safe around you.

When you truly know yourself, standing or sitting in front of an audience with real presence and genuine confidence, being the big person that you are, is not something you suddenly have to switch on there and then in the moment, because it is there with you all the time. When you can do that, you truly are the Captain of the ship.

Happy Valentine’s Day :-) Slow down and be genuine.

I welcome below your questions, thoughts, observations, and experiences.

Thank you so much for your many comments on the first article. Marc Burley raised an interesting point as a question… if you slow down too much you could miss a great opportunity? Marc, I would say when we slow down we are more likely to see it.


1: Shutterstock – Nolte Lourens

2: Steve Knight (yes, by me) – Ricey Beach, Rottnest Island, Western Australia

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