We tend to assume that an interesting topic makes for an interesting conversation. But ordinary subjects can become engaging when people are attentive, curious and responsive to one another.

Nadav Klein, Associate Professor of Organisational Behaviour at INSEAD, set out to examine what makes conversations enjoyable: Is it really the subject matter or the way that people engage with one another?

The idea was prompted, in part, by Seinfeld. The hugely popular US sitcom is built around ordinary conversations and minor disputes, and yet is compelling to watch. Its appeal seemed to lie less in the subject matter than in the interaction between the characters. In the latest episode of the INSEAD Knowledge podcast, Klein explains what his research reveals about why we misjudge conversations and what really makes them engaging.

The topic is just the starting point

Research participants underestimated how much they’d enjoy conversations about topics they deemed boring. This was true even when both participants expected the subject to be dull. What made the conversations enjoyable wasn’t necessarily the topic. It was the engagement between the people involved: the exchange of ideas, the listening and the unexpected moments of humour. 

We may judge a topic before a conversation begins, but we can’t know how engaging the interaction will be until we are part of it. This is why our subject-based predictions are often wrong. Klein likens this to trying to judge how hungry you will feel after a meal before you’ve eaten it. How we feel before an experience begins tells us little about how we’ll feel when it’s under way.

What leaders bring to the conversation

For leaders, the energy they bring to a conversation may matter more than its subject matter. Employees respond to signs of engagement. When a leader checks their phone or emails during a discussion, it signals that the topic doesn’t merit their full attention.

The same applies to conversations that may seem unimportant at first. A routine exchange may reveal something useful, strengthen a relationship or lead to something unexpected. Judging the conversation by its subject, rather than by what might happen between the people involved risks dismissing it before it begins.