Over the years, I’ve observed that being in the upper echelons of leadership is rarely as orderly as it appears from the outside. On paper, everything looks rational and well managed. In reality, executive teams often operate in a state of simmering friction, shaped less by strategy than by how people relate to one another.

It usually isn’t catastrophic decisions that derail leadership teams. More often, it is low-grade interpersonal antics that slowly grind things down. The passive-aggressive email or the meeting hijacked by ego. The eye roll that communicates more than a carefully prepared slide ever could. The human psyche is a peculiar machine, and nowhere is this more evident than in the conference room.

Seen this way, leadership can feel like a surrealistic play. Everyone is properly dressed and everything looks composed – yet chaos reigns. Here are seven surprisingly common behaviour patterns among executives that can drive team members up the wall. 

1. Always wanting to win

Some executives treat every meeting like a high-stakes tennis match. Even when the topic is something as mundane as cafeteria menu options, they must win. Unsurprisingly, they can turn strategic retreats and brainstorming sessions into gladiatorial combat.

A little competitiveness can be healthy. But when the desire to be right eclipses the desire to be effective, teamwork begins to erode. People quickly learn that offering new ideas is risky, because when they are challenged, it’s less about improving them than about winning.

What makes this behaviour particularly draining is that it leaves little room for collective intelligence. When every exchange becomes a contest, people conserve energy rather than contribute. 

2. Taking underserved credit 

Some executives collect credit the way others collect loyalty points. A team success becomes “something I was instrumental in”. A good idea from a colleague somehow reappears with their name attached.

Closely related is the failure to recognise others. Credit-hogging and recognition-withholding are two sides of the same coin. Both steadily drain morale and trust. People stop speaking up, stop trying and eventually, they stop caring.

The irony is that many leaders do not even realise they are doing it. Success happens and their name simply floats to the top of the slide deck. True leadership means letting others take the bow. The more generously you give credit, the more credibility you gain in return.

3. Not taking personal responsibility

Mistakes happen. They are part of leadership. But for some executives, they trigger deflection rather than reflection. “It wasn’t me,” they insist, often with remarkable conviction.

Blaming others may offer short-term relief, but it mortgages long-term trust. In contrast, leaders who say “This one’s on me” create a sense of safety that strengthens the entire team. Unfortunately, many organisations are led by people with selective memory. Successes are claimed, but failures are redistributed, with a corrosive impact on culture.

4. Being a “yes-butter”, not a “why-notter”

“Yes, but…” is a velvet-gloved way of saying no. It creates the illusion of openness while subtly extinguishing new ideas. Presenting itself as wisdom, this behaviour is usually driven by fear.

The “why-notters” are different. They do not accept ideas blindly, but they engage with them. They explore possibilities and remain curious. Organisations need fewer gatekeepers of gloom and more leaders willing to open the gate, even briefly, to see what might be possible.

5. Withholding information

Information is power, and some executives ration it carefully, deciding who needs to know what and when. In practice, this leaves people guessing and breeds mistrust.

Transparency does not mean giving away secrets. It means trusting that colleagues are not plotting sabotage. In healthy teams, information flows freely. And in any case, people usually find out what has been withheld. The only question is whether they hear it from you or from the rumour mill.

6. Not listening

You can usually spot non-listeners in meetings. They are already preparing their response while others are still speaking, or nod thoughtfully while clearly thinking about lunch.

Listening is not just about staying quiet. It is about being present and knowing how to ask the right questions. Leaders who truly listen are rare and deeply motivating. When people feel genuinely heard, they feel seen. And in leadership contexts, feeling seen builds commitment.

Listening becomes especially difficult at senior levels because leaders are rewarded for having answers. The higher people rise, the less often they are interrupted, corrected or challenged. Over time, speaking can feel more productive than listening. Yet leadership presence is not measured by airtime. It is measured by the quality of attention leaders offer to those around them.

7. Being inconsistent

Some leaders are wonderfully unpredictable in the worst possible way. One day warm and encouraging, the next irritable and dismissive. As a result, teams spend more time anticipating mood swings than doing their jobs.

Inconsistency, however, breeds paranoia. People learn to manage the leader instead of focusing on work. Consistency does not mean rigidity. It means behaving in ways others can rely on, even when conditions change. When leaders are predictable in this sense, they give others room to perform.

The difficult art of leading humans

If this list feels uncomfortably familiar, congratulations. You are human. Most leaders recognise themselves in at least a few of these patterns. They rarely stem from bad intentions. More often, they grow out of habit, ego, fear or simply fatigue.

The great paradox of leadership is that while executives invest enormous effort in managing markets, budgets and strategies, the hardest task is managing themselves. Even occasional emotional outbursts, when they occur, leave lasting impressions.

Leadership is not about being perfect. It is about being willing to laugh at yourself, apologise when necessary and to listen more carefully. The best leaders are not those who never drive others crazy. They are the ones who realise it when they do and choose to do better. That, in the end, is what separates those who merely manage from those who truly lead.